Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize