I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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