yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
