I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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