I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
