you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
