At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Send help, water and tortillas.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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