is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize