how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
