Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
