somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
