Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
