bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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