a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
