I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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