I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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