I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
