Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
