Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize