Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is the high leading the old right now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
