If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
