Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I looked at my own cervix.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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