I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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