I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
