what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
