walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
