It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
