kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
