3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
NoShamevember. You game?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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