Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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