he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
