This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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