I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
