FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
