I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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