Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
