Where is the hickey?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
