If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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