i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
