She's JV to your varsity
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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