she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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