He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
