Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
