She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
