we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize