I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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