Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
