You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
