You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
