areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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