I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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