Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
