Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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