3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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