My liver just broke up with me...
they need to just BURY HIM!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
