booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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