I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize