someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
