yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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