It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
