Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Randomize
