I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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