They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
