The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I believe in your delicious
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
