The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Alive.
So much puke
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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