Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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