sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
