I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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