Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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