I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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