so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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