I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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