he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
