He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
worst night to have a conscience
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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