I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
