I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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