let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
