1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
