I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
