I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the day after is always just damage control
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Randomize