I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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