I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
