I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
