I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
